life.


life....sometimes i sit and ask myself, what is this life all about? why are we alive and what are we doing alive? what is my purpose of living? what is my aim in this life? well if i choose to look @ it from my Christian background, my catechism teaches me that i'm alive because God made me. & why did God make me? " God made me to know him, to love him, to serve him, & to be with him in the next (life) ". & i believe this whole heartedly........hmm,.but when moods set in, & i sit down alone & depressed i take a very sour look @ it all. i'm alive, yes! but what's the fun in this life. what exactly makes it fun? that i wake up and go spend some money on frivolities, what makes that fun? i get in a bus and then on my way to work, i see an accident site and see some dead bodies, & i wonder, that might have been me. these people woke up this morning, & got about their businesses, but something unplanned cut short all those dreams. the "life" that's all so valued, all so important, all the aspirations, plans, worries, & cares,....all ended in a second. then i go back to asking myself, if all this we value so much in life, can be cut so short and so quickly, then is it something to be valued that much? why dont i value it less & live so carefree? why dont i do whatever i like, since this life is value-less ? i just might die anytime, & lose it all, so i might as well go about and live wrong.
in my depression i'm still yet to find a reason to be alive? a reason as to my purpose in life. yes, i know God's purpose & i still believe it, even in my depression, but for me. what's my own purpose in this life? because, looking @ the broader picture, i was born, my parents brought me up, taught me the right way to grown, put me through school, & now i'm done with my formative years & i've evolved into a decent young man. so now, i'm presently doing some professional training with hope that afterwards, i get a good job, get married to "my sweetheart" & then start a family. have a number of kids, (i want 4, she wants 2, so we settling for 3 @ the moment) by God's 'grace', & then have my own family. so now that i have my family, what next? i put my kids through school, train them till they get old, n then i whittle and die? so what's the use? i'll be working my butt off for what? to try and make life comfortable for some other people (my kids), and then die? so am i living for someone(or some people as the case maybe) else? this sort of seems to be a vicious circle,....my parents were born, grew up, met, got married, had me & my siblings, worked their butts off to give us a life better than theirs, & one day (someday far far far far far far far far away, tens of years away, by God's grace), they'll die, and then i and who ever i end up getting married to, will go through the same for our kids, and this'll continue this way, for as long as this world exists. so why must i partake in this vicious circle?
but when i get out of my moods and i start to think clearly again, the answers to all these questions becomes clearer to me.
why must i partake in this vicious cycle?
one answer, "love". that's why. the joy of experiencing that feeling is enough. that's why the heart of man, no matter how strong seeks for it. i will willing partake in the so called "vicious" cycle, for the fact that, i love my partner enough to marry her, & share my cares & worries with her,to have someone to walk through the rough paths of this life with, to see a part of me, come to life in my children. (have you ever thought of it, a child, the wonder of that, the only living thing that came out of me,that can come out of me.....i gave this to the world from "me") & i'll love my kids enough to want the best from them & see the joy in their eyes when i buy them their favorite toys, to watch their 1st recital in kindergarten, to watch them make friends in school as they transform from kids to teenagers, to make sure i set them in the right path and watch them come good and grow into worthy citizens of the country.the love that makes me want to watch my parents grow old and happy, the joy in their eyes when i buy surprise presents for them, when they know they can come to me for whatever problems their having & i'll try all in my power to solve it for them, because they were there for me while i was growing, & now that i'm all grown up,i'm going to be there for them because they love me & i love them too. the same goes for my two wonderful siblings, all through growing up years, we had fights and a lot of quarrels but now we're not kids anymore, we all know the importance of family, & we know the plain and simple truth. blood is thicker than water, & in this life, all you've got is God & family.
why dont i live carefree & do all i want with reckless abandon since i can die anytime? that's because, i dont want to die anytime, i want to live & enjoy all that life has to offer. "the good, the bad & ugly", they all combine to make life a beautiful mystery. you all would agree with me that any relationship that doesnt have the occasional arguments and disagreements, has lost its spice, that's why we love watching movies, because of the twists and issues that the characters face & go through. so why ios it that all of a sudden, when we go through issues (remotely similar to those in the movies we enjoy so much) in real life we get tired , & all of a sudden want to live carefree & throw it all away.
& God...do i doubt the reason why he made me? NEVER! because in all in all, at the end of this life, there's an after-life, & what i do in this life will determine where i end up afterwards.

so basically, i guess all i need in this life is a proportionate mix of : love, perseverance, & faith .

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