15 mins @ the chapel
got in,.......put my mobile phones on silent,.....& knelt down, eyes looking straight at the Blessed Sacrament exposed at the altar.
then i go into my "chat with God" mode:
i start by praying over things & plans I have for the rest of the month & then, predictably.......I start complaining about how rough things have been so far for me. I complain about all the disappointments, all the heartbreaks, the deals that fell though.........as i complain, i look up at a painted picture of Jesus, & put my self in check. So I make it clear, "dear lord, even all through all this, my faith in you hasn't wavered. I still believe totally in you. but all this is making me doubt myself", & he says to me, "that's the point. i want you to see that by yourself, you cant do it. i want you to believe & depend wholly on me. I want to break you & keep you open to me. I want to mold you, & turn you into something holy & pure. "I then think to myself, hmm,.....we easily say "I believe in God", "I have faith in God", "I put my trust in God", but how many times do we "truly" believe in God? How many times do we leave everything to him & say "you know what, even though its looking entirely bleak, I KNOW that everything'll be perfect tomorrow cos God is TOTALLY in charge."
But yet, I still have some more questions. so I ask, "but why let me go through all this? Isn't it a bit too much?"............"why WATCH me go through all this?". He says again to me "that's the point. I am WATCHING you"......."I watch you when you walk away wearily from a failed business meeting, I watch you when you sit at home, worrying your head till you develop a migraine, I have watched you surprised at friends & people you trusted when they back-stab you, I have watched you shed tears on your pillow in the solitude of the night.......but what's most important is I have been WATCHING you". "I never turned my back on you........ I watch you because I LOVE you. A kid could be playing with his pet dog, while the father stands aside & watches. But if the dog starts trying to get outta hand, the father steps in to save his child. I LOVE YOU, & as such, my eyes are always on YOU. So just have faith & believe."