handling disappointments


Disappointment: -

Adj: Feeling of being disappointed; Noun:person or
thing that disappoints.

This is a feeling we all experience every once in a while. Some people resort to heavy drinking & drugs
to try and get over that feeling of disappointment. Depending on the degree, some fall into depression.
I often find myself depressed when faced with disappointment. I go deeper and deeper, blaming the
person behind this feeling & then eventually,…..blaming me (I eventually become an enemy of myself).

Example:

I meet this girl, we fall in love & then start dating. All the while, I try to behave myself (keyword: - “try
to” – LOL), & I encouraged her to do same. I believe her stories and trust her wholly. Eventually, I find
out she’s been lying, & has been feeding me with a completely flase story about herself (past,present
and future).

I found out & was hurt,& after the phone convo with her,I dropped the phone,(& picked up an instant
feeling of disappointment).I fell back down to the bed & started to ponder: “ Damn! I am disappointed
@ her. How could she do this? How could she lie this much? How wrong & callous of her?

Next you start to remember the different incidents & stuff that happened during the relationship &
you start to draw your own conclusions:
“Oh, the other time she told me she was @ so-so n so’s place she wasn’t,…or when she told me she
needed this for that, actually she didn’t, when she told me she had this,…she actually didn’t,n rather she
must have had that……& all THIS she did because of THAT (n not LOVE). I AM DISAPPOINTED IN HER!”

Next you start to feel a different level of disppointment. You become disappointed in the relationship:
“This relationship was a huge mistake…..it was a farce,….I was living a lie,all through the relationship.
THIS RELATIONSHIP WAS A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT.”

Then lastly, you become disappointed in you. How foolish was I to believe her,…..I should have seen the
signs,….I was ignorant,….I have been taken for a fool,….I shouldn’t have done this/that….I should have
been a whole lot smarter,….I was weak,……I AM DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF.”
You mentally beat yourself up & blame yourself for it all. That’s where the depression sets in, (n lets not
pretend here, if there’s any alcohol lying about in the house @ the time, you’ll find yourself having this
incredible urge, to knock back a glass/2,….or 5 or more – LOL) & this is where you find yourself looking
for a quick way out of this all.

With this example, we have seen the different stages of disappointment that can be experienced. We
all know that the term disappointment cannot be restricted to just this case, but as earlier stated,
this is just an example, to show an incidence of a disappointing experience. There are various types of
disappointments & several degrees of pain inflicted by them.

So the next question becomes: “how do you overcome a disappointing situation/event, or a
disappointment altogether.

For me: I do 1 thing 1st. I let it run its course. I try to stay away from alcohol (@ this time – n not that I
avoid it altogether, cos I still take my occasional beer once in a while, but when depressed from
disappointment, I avoid it totally. It’s a sign of weakness (trying to stay away frm the facts by getting
drunk, instead of facing them squarely) & it NEVER (keyword: “NEVER”) solves a problem, it only
deceieves you (in your “blurred” state) into believing that it’s solved, but when you’re sober again, the
problem’s still there.
This explains why alcoholics cant seem to stop drinking when depressed , cos they drink(problem
solved), get sober (realise the problem isnt solved), drink(problem solved), get sober (problem unsolved)
…..etc & it becomes a vicious cycle.

So like I said earlier, I let it run its normal course, & I talk to some “GOOD” friends about it. Once I
notice I’m slightly out of the rut, I trace the root of the problem in the 1 st place. In this case it is LOVE
(In some others, it could be trust,…friendship,business etc). I loved her, & when in love you expect
some things from your partner, one of which is HONESTY. I ask my self, was I honest? (YES) & was
she? (NO), then that’s it. I am not to blame for this, she was the one that did wrong n not me.So
once I absolve myself from the blame,then that’s it. But “if”,…you are actually the one 2 blame,…then
talk 2 urslf, n understand that you have really let someone important to you, down. Try and open
communication,…beg and apologise n make up your mind to avoid EVER hurting the person or any1
else that means an ything to you in such a manner…n once all this is done, the most important thing is
to “FORGIVE YOURSELF!”.

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