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Yeah. I know right? There's been a lot that's happened in the time I was away, the biggest event being the loss of my dad. For the first time in my life I felt the true meaning of PAIN. True pain doesn't necessarily have to be pain in the usual sense of the word; on your skin, on / in your head, in your tummy etc. This pain was a dull shattering numbing sensation that left me gasping for air. The grief felt tangible and yet it lived inside me, it hovered over me, it stared me in the eyes when I woke & sat on the bedside stool every night waiting for me to wake up. It'll be 3 years since I lost my dad on June 4th, & finally I can say I'm starting to cope with it. Since then I have lost a few other people as well & as always I withdraw into my cocoon & ponder all the "whys" & "what ifs".
The most recent loss was that of my cousin, Chioma. Such a bubbly woman. Last saw her at my wedding & I still have the video of my bachelor's eve, where she danced the night away. Last spoke to her a week or so before she passed. It all seemed like a dream, till I saw a picture of her body in a casket. Then it hit me, I start to drift again to the feeling of losing my dad.
My dad, my friend......my Gee. Remember all the banter we used to have defending the football teams we supported. Our discussions on politics and the state of the nation. Our analysis of movies andthe story lines. Our discussions on my career and decisions I was planning on making. Our discussions ranged from the most important to the most mundane of topics, but in the end, (most importantly) they were discussions with my father. I miss those. Still miss them to this day and would miss them till the day I go.
I remember how after losing him, I prayed and desperately wished to see him again. I still believe we'll see again, & I hold on to my Christian belief now more than ever that there is a life after death, because I love him too much to let go. Its a relationship, a friendship that transcends one realm of existence, one that shouldn't end, that can't end after one lifetime.
For everyone who still has his/her loved ones still around, show them all the love you have to give. When you hug, hug tight and feel the warmth emanate from them. When u have the opportunity to spend time with them, seize it because as cliche as it sounds, life is short.
Love and cherish every moment and create memories, these make our lives on earth worthwhile. For those who have lost dear ones, join me in the belief that we would meet them again after we are done here and continue from where we left off.
Miss you Popsie.